Tuesday, June 03, 2008 ; 3:17 PM
This is really a very sad entry...
I'm in Ngee Ann Poly now.
Ha-ha-ha.
Alright. Tell you something. I JUST FINISHED A BOOK!
It's a romance novel called "Sex, lies and online dating" by Rachel Gibson.
It's an entertaining read I tell you. A little erotic I would say, but if you can imagine.. Hey, you'll find it both hilarious and romantic at the same time.
Go buy it. It's good.
**
I would really wish that I could whine as much as I want in my blog, because this is MY SPACE. However, whining... doesn't solve much problems. In fact, it add on more problems, more burdens about other people. People come to my blog for stress relieve because they are mostly happy reads.
As many would have guessed, I'm not happy with my current life.
Though I led a quite fulfilling, stressful-but-happy lifestyle in school, I think I'm no happy man inside. Everyone who is a regular reader of my blog knows what is my passion, what I really like to do.
To be able to have the talent to act, to pretend even for just an hour is a joy to me. I get to relax myself totally when I used to go back to Drama or BUDS. I like there because it's like a second home to me, I get to do what I like to do without caring much about anything. Even though the days were stressful enough for you to tear all the hair from your head, those days were the most happiest days of my life.
I guess I can never do the same again. 2 days ago, I finally return back to BUDS because I'm finally free from school work. But perhaps that session is trying to tell me to give up my passion for 5 years. I experienced my first ever blanked out on stage, the kind of feeling I never had. I can't think, I can't wack a scene out of anything. Because of that, I cried.
"It's no big deal," you said. To me, Drama means alot to me. It is a starting point of my life, somewhere where I met so many good friends, those that don't mind how I look, how I speak, how I react. I feel good there because of them, and many teachers who have helped me over the years have taught me many good values on how to be a better person.
I believe I have a talent in this area. During these years I stay on and fight. I've came so far, yet I lost it all because of my hectic polytechnic lifestyle. Many a times I felt like giving up, yet I stayed on because of something, something that makes my life complete. Now this time I really feel that I should give up. Perhaps this road was never meant for me. Again and again I've met so many obstacles. This one is the biggest. I can never revert back to the same again.
I really miss the old time, the times I stayed up late in the night because I'm doing things for Drama. Compliments are always there to keep me going ahead, and friends are there for me when I feel vulnerable.
Who can I turn to at this point of time? Everyone doesn't look the same to me anymore. They looked distant, and I'm sure they feel the same way as I did when they all look at me.
As for my current course, I'm happy to fit in there because I remembered saying something like if God wants me to fall into that pit of shit, then I shall.
I'm glad I can survive in there, and new coursemates have been very supportive of me. However, it just feels different. I keep a distance away from everyone, not that I'm like some arrogant bastard and stuffs but I just tend to be cautious. I don't think I will be able to pour out my heartfelt words to them anytime soon not because I don't treat them as friends. It's just different. When I can say anything under the sun to a person, that means I know them well enough to pour secrets. However they aren't that close yet, we don't have much topics to share about, and I certainly don't have any hobbies that interests them. I find it hard to communicate though I've tried. I'm happy to fit in, but not very happy because I only fit in and not totally be in it.
**
Oh btw, sorry for not replying to any tags since god-knows-when. I've been rather busy the past previous weeks, and I'm feeling rather down lately.
Till then.
Labels: drama, misc, reviews
